You are dating a robot. You are, of course, very lucky to be doing so. Your particular robot paramour is named Bumblebee, and he turns into a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. He is genuine and funny and sweet and also very hot, and sometimes he fights other robots and it's always //Yvery// arousing, in a kind of terrifying way.
But, of course, you are a human, and your beloved Bumblebee is a mechanical being; so there are a few things that you have //not// done. You've gone out on dates, you've taken him to "meet your parents", you've met //his// family... but you haven't had sex.
Yet.
You know humans have sex, and you know that Cybertronians have sex, but your systems are //not// really all that compatible. It's very disappointing.
You //could// see about working something out...
[[...and it sounds like a great idea!->Start Sex]]
[[...but you are so not trying it.->fail]]
(set: $uninjured to "true")
(set: $injury to 0)
(set: $cablesex to "false")
(set: $massage to "false")
(set: $poisoned to "false")
(set: $grind to "false")
(set: $v6 to "false")
(set: $ue to "true")You know better than to hope that you can come up with some sort of compatible way to do the nasty.
After all, Cybertronians "interface" with wires and cables, and humans fuck with fleshy genitalia.
You don't want to try putting your //bits// anywhere near your beloved's internals, and you most certainly do not want to stick any cables into yourself.
You just think the risk of injury is too high, and besides, it doesn't even sound like fun.
Congratulations! (if:$uninjured is "true")[You have not sustained any injuries,](if: $uninjured is "false")[You've avoided further injury,] but you are gonna be alone with your hand forever. How's it feel?
In sum, you finished the game with (if: $uninjured is "false")[the injur(if:$injury is 1)[y](if:$injury >=2 )[ies] of ](if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is "true")[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[''no injuries''], and (if: $ue is "false")[the embarrassing problem(if:$injury is 1)[ ](if:$injury >=2 )[s ]of ](if:$cablesex is "true")[''gunking up one of Bee's cables''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a sex-induced lisp'' and ''rusting up Bee's internals''](if:$grind is "true" and $poisoned is "true")['' twice''](if: $grind is "true" and $poisoned is not "true")[''rusting up Bee's internals''](if: $cablesex is "true" or $massage is "true" or $poisoned is "true" or $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is "true")[''navigating the medical industry around an explictly sex-induced injury''](if: $ue is "true")[''no embarrassing problems''].
Would you like to play again?
[[Yeah.->Welcome! You are dating a robot.]]You talk to Bumblebee, and he's a little reluctant, but he absolutely agrees that he also wants to have freaky wild sex with you somehow. Bumblebee is even more of a exophile than you are. This has kind of been on your collective bucket lists for a long time.
So you sit down to talk about it.
The easiest thing, you figure, is to try messing around with some of Bumblebee's cables and //your// genitalia. After all, that's your collective sex organs. Surely you can work //something// out there.
[[Hell yeah!->Cable to Clit]]
[[Uh... let's try something else.->Sex landing 2]](set: $cablesex to "true")
(set: $uninjured to "false")
(set: $injury to $injury + 1)
(set: $ue to "false")
It's simple enough, in theory. Bumblebee's cable is almost like a weird alien AV cable. It's got a hollow part with little prongs, and it's as wide around as two of your fingers put together.
You press it to your clit, and find that there's no cable running through it. You give Bee a questioning look, and he informs you that you're going to start slow and take it easy, to make sure everything goes smoothly. That sounds about right to you.
Bee waits for you to get settled, with some sort of rhythm, and then informs you that he's going to turn up the power a little bit. Just a //tiny// amount of charge, to get you going, and find out how much more energy you can take.
Both of you fail to take into account that humans have //far// lower electrical tolerances than Cybertronians.
You've done some light electrical play before, so you thought you were prepared, but the amount of shock that comes down from the head of the cable is so far out of your ballpark that you've dropped the cable before you can even realize. Bee gives you a curious bleep.
You look down, meaning to pick it back up, and notice the smoking blackened splotch of burnt flesh on the head of your clit. Uh.... yeah. You're not trying that again.
You have achieved an ''Injury!'' You've burnt your clitoris. It still //works//, but... ouch.
You have achieved an ''Embarrassing Problem!'' You've damaged one of Bumblebee's cables. He says he doesn't want to have to look Ratchet in the eye when he goes to get it replaced.
[[So that... happened. ->Sex landing 2]]Okay. Okay, so the cable thing was a bad idea. Okay. You've (if:$cablesex is "true")[learned your lesson](if:$cablesex is not "true")[actually used your brain for once and decided not to do something quite as stupid as shove live electrical wires up your fucking vagina]. Moving on.
Bumblebee comes back after a few hours of thinking with a new suggestion. After all, there are more ways to have an intimate time than just straightforwards interfacing. You could always give him an erotic massage.
You ask what that means, and he tells you that all you have to do is gently stroke over his internal components.
[[That sounds like a great idea!->massage crush damage]]
[[That sounds... uh... kind of dangerous. You're not supposed to stick your hands in moving machinery, right?.->sex landing 3]]
[[You kind of don't think this is a good idea any more. At all.->fail]]
You have (if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''. Bumblebee has ''an embarrassingly gunked-up cable''. ](if:$cablesex is not "true")[no injuries... yet.](set: $massage to "true")
(set: $uninjured to "false")
(set: $injury to $injury + 1)
You're into it, getting hot and heavy. Bumblebee's cabling is taut with tension, treated with some sort of grease that makes your fingertips tingle. It's really enticing.
His whole body is so reactive, it's //amazing//- and then it happens. Your fingers brush a sensitive collection of sensors, and a piece of armor twitches. You pull your hand back, to get it out of the way, but you are not fast enough.
Your fingers are crushed. Mangled. You're able to acknowledge that right before you pass out.
You wake up in the ER. The doctors tell you that they had to operate on your hand, but the nerve damage means you'll never have the same dexterity again.
You have achieved an ''Injury!'' You've mangled your hand. It may never be the same.
[[You have some regrets.->sex landing 3]]Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh... okay.(if: $massage is "true")[ After a quick trip to the Emergency Room, you can conclusively say that was a fucking terrible idea.] So that... was... that. (if: $massage is "true")[Terribly.](if: $massage is not "true")[You can't say you regret backing out of that.]
But, regardless, this means you have to come up with a new idea.
After a little while, you think you have something. You suggest some sort of mutual frotteurism.
Bumblebee shoots you down. The whole idea is that you're //both// getting some sort of sexual gratification out of it, and the Cybertronian version of that is (if: $massage is "true")[the disastrous thing you just did.](if: $massage is not "true")[what you just backed out of.] No, you'll need to come up with something else, or just throw in the towel.
Bumblebee texts you later with a new idea. What about some sort of robot-on-human and human-on-robot 69ing?
[[Worth a try. ->do not drink robot fluids]]
[[Mm... pass. ->Sex landing 4]]
[[Uh... you really think that it's time to tap out. ->fail]]
You have (if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is "true")[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[no injuries... yet].(set: $poisoned to "true")
(set: $uninjured to "false")
(set: $injury to $injury + 1)
(set: $ue to "false")
The taste of the lubricant Bumblebee uses on his internal sensors is frankly intoxicating. It makes your tongue tingle, and it clings to your lips like the best lip gloss. Bumblebee doesn't //have// a tongue, which was a bit of a hitch, but as it turns out his fingers are fine, and you're still contributing.
You're not able to pinpoint the moment your tongue goes numb, but you can absolutely put your finger on the moment it starts to burn. You pull back, trying to warn him that something is wrong, but it feels leaden in your mouth, and so do your lips, and you're not able to manage any coherent words.
Bumblebee freaks out. He first takes you to Ratchet, who wants to know what you were doing; you're not sure //exactly// what Bumblebee says, but it's some excuse about accidentally contaminating your lunch, you think. Either way, he has you sent to a human poison response center, and they purge your stomach. Even so, you wind up with what seems like a permanent migraine, and some real bad burns on and in your mouth.
You have achieved an ''Injury!'' You've poisoned yourself. Your head hurts very badly, even after the medical attention, and your tongue is burnt. Lot of fun, that.
You have achieved an ''Embarrassing Problem!'' You've developed a lisp. It should go away after your tongue heals, but you really hope no one asks why you're talking strangely for the next couple weeks.
You have achieved an ''Embarrassing Problem!'' Bumblebee developed rust damage where no water should get in. He said that Ratchet gave him a dressing-down about organic bacteria getting in where it wasn't supposed to when he went to have his components replaced, and that he was planning to give a lecture to the rest of the base about it. Even just having this information related to you was mortifying.
[[You're starting to regret your dedication to a mutually gratifying sexual relationship.->Sex landing 4]]So that didn't (if: $poisoned is not "true")[happen](if: $poisoned is "true")[work out so well, after all]. You two are pretty glum for a little while, but then Bee thinks he has another idea. You could try grinding on his machinery in an area that it cannot move in, since you were concerned about touching him near any jointed areas.
[[Ooh, that might work. ->grinding on naked machinery]]
[[Uh... mmm. No. ->sex landing 5]]
[[Yeah after all this you've decided to tap out. This isn't working. ->fail]]
You have (if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is "true")[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[no injuries... yet].Yeah, okay. (if: $poisoned is not "true")[Moving on.](if: $poisoned is "true")[That was a terrible idea, but you're not going to dwell on it.] You and Bumblebee are both starting to get a bit discouraged.
Bumblebee asks what you meant by frotteurism, earlier. He says that //maybe// you can find some area that isn't bordered by moving parts, and you can avoid getting crushed in his parts(if: $massage is "true")[again]. And you can just rub off on his bits. That should be decent for the both of you, hopefully.
[[Hey, that's an idea.->fingering disaster mode]]
[[Eeeeuuuhhhh... not doing that. ->sex landing 6]]
(if: $uninjured is "false")[ [[None of these have been good ideas. You're not about to get //more// hurt. You're tapping out. ->fail]] ]
(if: $uninjured is "true")[ [[None of these have been good ideas. You don't particularely cherish the idea of getting hurt just trying to have //sex//. You're tapping out. ->fail]]]
You have (if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is "true")[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[no injuries... yet].(set: $grind to "true")
(set: $uninjured to "false")
(set: $injury to $injury + 1)
(set: $ue to "false")
Bumblebee tries to pick a non-jagged sensor cluster for you to grind against, but mechanical parts that are meant to see only internal usage are really not constructed for human usage. You've barely gotten started when you feel a weird, sharp pain in your leg, but you ignore it. You've tried so hard to come up with something.
That turns out to be a //mistake//, because barely thirty seconds later you look down to see long, scarlet scratches where the viciously sharp edges of Bumblebee's components have bitten into your flesh.
Ouch.
You have achieved an ''Injury!'' You've cut up your entire genital area, //and// your inner thighs. And the bottom of your thighs. And your shins. And the palms of your hands. Sitting is going to be a //challenge//.
You have achieved an ''Embarrassing Problem!'' Bumblebee developed rust damage where no water should get in. He said that Ratchet recognizes blood when he sees it, but fortunately assumed it was from some animal looking for a warm place to sleep for a night. However, Optimus Prime himself was //devastated// by the implication that his Autobots had, inadverdently, engaged in acts of animal cruelty, and publically reminded the entirety of the Autobot army that all Earth creatures must be protected. You were there. You didn't have the context at the time... and you kind of wish you still didn't.
(if: $injury < 4)[ [[This is //really// not working out so well!.->sex landing 5]] ]
(if: $injury >= 4)[ [[You're... uh... not... doing so hot, actually..->die]] ]You and your beloved are kind of stumped, at this point. There's only so many things you can come up with, after all. Even after everything... it seems like this is not going to work.
(set: $end to "true")
[[Grow up and buy a few sex toys like adults->fail]]
[[You're not giving up. You'll keep trying things eventually.->bad ending]]
You have (if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is "true")[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[no injuries... yet].You've really done it this time. You should've really known better; you've achieved so many ''injuries'' that you are now Actually Dead!
In sum, you finished the game with (if: $uninjured is "false")[the injur(if:$injury is 1)[y](if:$injury >=2 )[ies] of ](if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is not "true" and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is true)[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[''no injuries''], and (if: $ue is "false")[the embarrassing problem(if:$injury is 1)[ ](if:$injury >=2 )[s ]of ](if:$cablesex is "true")[''gunking up one of Bee's cables''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a sex-induced lisp'' and ''rusting up Bee's internals''](if:$grind is "true" and $poisoned is "true")['' twice''](if: $grind is "true" and $poisoned is not "true")[''rusting up Bee's internals''](if: $uninjured is "true")[''no embarrassing problems''](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $ue is "false")[''no embarrassing problems''].
Would you like to play again?
[[Yeah.->Welcome! You are dating a robot.]](set: $uninjured to "false")
(set: $injury to $injury + 1)
(set: $v6 to "true")
(set: $ue to "false")
Eventually the two of you just decide to try robo-fingering. It seems hot enough. How do you fuck that up, right? (if:$injury >= 1)[You're a little concerned it might happen anyway](if: $injury > 2)[, //especially// given your previous track record]. (if: $injury < 1)[You somehow manage it anyway](if: $injury >= 1)[Seems like you were right to be].
See, neither of you really considered Bee's //joints//. You're going at it, it's going great, and then he moves his digit just a little too far and you feel a sudden, horrendously sharp pinch. All the way in there.
You wind up needing to go to the ER for that one(if: $poisoned is "true" and $massage is "true")[ again](if: $poisoned is "true" and $massage is not "true")[ again](if: $poisoned is "true" and $massage is "true")[ again]. They have to do surgery. It's terrible. You can hardly walk for weeks.
(if: $injury < 4)[ [[Fuck. Ow. ->sex landing 6]] ]
(if: $injury >= 4)[ [[You're... uh... not... doing so hot, actually..->die]] ]
You have achieved an ''Injury!'' You've got pinch point injuries inside your vagina from getting caught in a joint.
You have achieved an ''Embarrassing Problem!'' You had to actually tell someone, point blank, that you'd gotten the inside of your vagina pinched and it was gushing blood. Multiple times. And then you had to have reconstructive surgery. It was a big enough deal that the rest of the Autobots found out and everything. So did your //parents//. Utterly mortifying.You refuse to give up, but at this point Bumblebee has gotten cold feet about it, too. After all, (if: $uninjured is "true")[he's become understandably worried about human damage tolerances if you can't do anything](if: $uninjured is "false")[he's //really// not interested in causing you any more injury, and is beside himself over how badly all of this has gone] and you can hardly blame him for that. You're not about to push your cool robot boyfriend into having sex with you like a seventeen year old fuckboy, after all; you've got to throw in the towel.
In sum, you finished the game with (if: $uninjured is "false")[the injur(if:$injury is 1)[y](if:$injury >=2 )[ies] of ](if:$cablesex is "true")[''a burnt clitoris''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true")[ and ](if: $massage is "true")[''a crushed right hand''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a burnt tongue'' and ''a terrible headache''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if: $cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is "true" and $massage is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $massage is "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is "true")[ and ](if:$grind is "true")[''cuts in several places along your thighs and genitalia''](if:$injury >=2 and $v6 is "true")[ and ](if: $v6 is true)[''pinch point injuries'' inside your vagina](if: $uninjured is "true")[''no injuries''], and (if: $ue is "false")[the embarrassing problem(if:$injury is 1)[ ](if:$injury >=2 )[s ]of ](if:$cablesex is "true")[''gunking up one of Bee's cables''](if:$cablesex is "true" and $poisoned is "true")[ and ](if: $poisoned is "true")[''a sex-induced lisp'' and ''rusting up Bee's internals''](if:$grind is "true" and $poisoned is "true")['' twice''](if: $grind is "true" and $poisoned is not "true")[''rusting up Bee's internals''](if: $uninjured is "true")[''no embarrassing problems''](if:$cablesex is not "true" and $poisoned is not "true" and $grind is not "true" and $ue is "false")[''no embarrassing problems''].
Would you like to play again?
[[Yeah.->Welcome! You are dating a robot.]]$uninjured = are you injured? true/false
$ue = are you unembarrassed? true/false
$injury = injuries counter. increases with every idiot decision
$cablesex = you fucked yourself on a cable
$massage = you crushed your hand
$poisoned = you drank robo lubricant
$grind = you cut up your cunt
$v6 = fingering disaster pinch moment